求英语大神,英语老师批改一下下面的文章,看看语法和总体结构,给点评价,With the exposure of the American “PRISM”,people start to worry about their privacy rights and their safety,“Are we safenow” becomes a serious pr

求英语大神,英语老师批改一下下面的文章,看看语法和总体结构,给点评价,With the exposure of the American “PRISM”,people start to worry about their privacy rights and their safety,“Are we safenow” becomes a serious pr
求英语大神,英语老师批改一下下面的文章,看看语法和总体结构,给点评价,
With the exposure of the American “PRISM”,people start to worry about their privacy rights and their safety,“Are we safenow” becomes a serious problem for everyone.There are two main attitudestowards the solutions to this question:prevention or punishment.In myopinion,enhancing the public awareness of punishment and fixing the bugs inour laws about punishments maybe an effective way.
The example of the “PRISM” provesit true that citizens still feel unsafe even with the government preventingmeasures like monitoring.Prevention has no use in helping citizens resist thetemptation of the dark profits relating to illegal activities,while thepunishment does have more than moral effects on citizens,which makes theterrible consequences not abstract any more.So we could have morepossibilities to live a better world with less ruthless outlaws.
In short,I believe if we put thepunishment in a prioritized place,we will have a high level awareness towardsthe disadvantages of illegal doing,at the same time it can combine with moralprincipals in the society,making up the shortages in each part.I hope oursociety can return to “the free land of dreams and lights”.

求英语大神,英语老师批改一下下面的文章,看看语法和总体结构,给点评价,With the exposure of the American “PRISM”,people start to worry about their privacy rights and their safety,“Are we safenow” becomes a serious pr
1. prevention or punishment （or 改为and）
2. The example of the “PRISM” proves it true that citizens still feel unsafe even with the government preventingmeasures like monitoring. （feel改为are, even with改为just because of如何?）
3. So we could have morepossibilities to live a better world with less ruthless outlaws.（have morepossibilities 改为better chance)
4. in the society, (去the)
5.最后一段读着有点生涩.at the same time 前面是不是需要and