给这篇托福作文评分包括评价,有价值追加分数Some organizations like to judge employee's work by the comments of the seniority which will exert a great influence in his work,while other organizations decide their employee's work by ho

给这篇托福作文评分包括评价,有价值追加分数Some organizations like to judge employee's work by the comments of the seniority which will exert a great influence in his work,while other organizations decide their employee's work by ho
给这篇托福作文评分包括评价,有价值追加分数
Some organizations like to judge employee's work by the comments of the seniority which will exert a great influence in his work,while other organizations decide their employee's work by how well he\she fullfill his\her tasks.Organizations which decide promotions by seniority think that seniority will judge it well for the simple reason that they are more experienced.However,I advocate that promotions based on performance is more reasonable,the following demonstrations will help to make my idea clear.
Performance can not only show one's ability but also can judge people's promotions objectly.There is no doubt that performance is the fact that how well a employee does his\her work.It also show if the employee is enthusiastic about his work his ability to deal with various tasks,how to solve difficulties in the work.Many organizations use performance to decide promotion and proved that it works well,for instance,the basketball organization NBA judge the best basketball players using the statistics which include their performance in each season,and choose the best player that nobody will casts doubts on it.On the contrary,promotions judge by seniority will rise a great number of problems,such as bad relationship,corruption,say,if a player want to be the best player,he may give a considerable amount of money to the judge,and if he is chosen,the others will show hatred to both the judge and that player.
However,promotions based on seniority do have some advantages.one of the advantages is it will be more efficient,say,collecting information and organize the performance record will cost too much time,this loss of time may cause some economy damage to the organization.

给这篇托福作文评分包括评价,有价值追加分数Some organizations like to judge employee's work by the comments of the seniority which will exert a great influence in his work,while other organizations decide their employee's work by ho
18/30
缺点很明显,语法词汇运用的太生硬.第一段最后一句少个连接词and； It also show到doubts on it这两句根本说不通,应该拆成简单句说通路再想着怎么连起来,这样写还不如几个词的简单句得分高； but also can前面已经用can了后面的就该省掉.这些地方都需要靠英语的思维和说话,也就是所谓的语感.
更关键的问题是,这篇文章的说理议论太单薄了,而且结构有比较大的问题.开头应该开宗明义的两句话把文章要说什么讲清楚（some xxx think...这样的结构就很罗嗦）,后面几段展开论证.虽然有一个论证的例子,但是还是不够的,应该从几个角度仔细的分析.每个角度都让人信服,最后再一总结,就结了.
我给改个提纲吧,不定期上线,可以再问我:
There are two basic strategies for the organizations to judge employee's work, by seniority or by performance. And the later one have obvious advantages.
First of all, performance will adequately show the employee's abilities in fulfilling his tasks, which is... If one ..., it is very possible that he will ...in the future...
Secondly, the performance will also help to assess the employee's working attitude. While senior ones may be ..., younger people are more...
Moreover, the performance, with wisely chosen statistics as reference, will be well-acknowledged, and everyone will think the result is fair... In some specific area, seniority is even treated as a disadvantage. NBA...
Though it may not be very easy to make a fair system of performance evaluation, the ... And ...
只是简单的写一下,作为参考吧.