请帮我看看我的雅思作文吧You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Job stress has become a major concern in the workplace world wide.What do you think are the causes and what can we do about it?Give rea

请帮我看看我的雅思作文吧You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Job stress has become a major concern in the workplace world wide.What do you think are the causes and what can we do about it?Give rea
请帮我看看我的雅思作文吧
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Job stress has become a major concern in the workplace world wide.What do you think are the causes and what can we do about it?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
ANSWER:
With the rapid developments in social and economical for last few decades,an increasing number of people begin to feel that the job stress is affecting theri physcial and mental health.There is convincing evidence that job stress is linked to many minor and major illness.Moreover it cause server health problem and,in extreme cases,can cause death.Hence,how to cope with ocupational stress has attract greater attention.
Stress at work may originate from a range of sources,for instance the demand of the job; the work environment; working hours; the boss; job insecury and pay.The first primary factor is the excessive and demanding of workload,which surpasses the employees' ability to handle.This make the employees have to extend the working hour and usually without any extra salary and bounus.Another reason is the management style.In some companies,there is a lack of participation by workers in decision-making and a lack of family-friendly policy.Poor interpersonal relationship also lead to stress.Some people become victims of the office politics.Finally,job insecury contribute to job stress,especially recent two years.As the global finantial crisis cause many people lose their work,some employees become very anxiety and worried about their jobs.
It is impossible to avoid and escape the work-related stress.But we can take some measures to release the pressure and learn how to manage the stress effictively.Firstly,employees need improve their time-management skills and sharpen the communication skills.That is to say they should to learn how to prioritize different tasks and have a close relationship with their coworkers.Secondly,physicial active is a great stress reducer.As a well-known,a healthy mind resides only in a healthy body.Physcial health can make you feel better.As far as management concerned,managers should be sensitive to work-family needs and make the workplace more enjoyable and hamony.
In conclusion,it is clear that stress at work is a costly epidimic that should not be overlooked.I an convinced that becoming aware of stressors and learn how to deal with them enable us get on a right track for more rewarding career and healther lifestyle.
请大家帮我改改,要是能给个大概分数就更好了.请您不吝赐教!

请帮我看看我的雅思作文吧You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Write about the following topic:Job stress has become a major concern in the workplace world wide.What do you think are the causes and what can we do about it?Give rea
Due to rapid social and economic development in the past few decades,an increasing number of people are beginning to feel job stress affecting both their physical and mental health.There is convincing evidence that job stress is linked to many illnesses,whether major or minor.It results in severe health problems such as depression,heart disease and even death in extreme cases.Hence,people are becoming more conscious about coping with ocupational stress.
Stress at work may originate from a range of sources.These include job demands,the working environment,working hours,the boss,job insecurity and salary.The first factor is an excessive and demanding workload beyond employees' ability to handle.This results in employees having to extend their working hours,usually without overtime pay nor bonus.
Another reason is the management style.In some companies,there is a lack of workers' involvement in decision-making and family-friendly policies.Poor interpersonal relationships also lead to stress.The most common situations we encounter would be those in which colleagues become victims of office politics.
Finally,job insecurity contributes to job stress,especially in recent years.The global financial crisis,which has resulted in massive job layoffs and pay cuts,makes employees anxious and fearful about their own future prospects.
It is impossible to avoid and escape work-related stress.However,we can take measures to relieve pressure from work and learn to manage stress effectively.Firstly,employees need improve their time-management skills and sharpen their communication skills.This means that they should learn how to prioritize different tasks and build amicable relationships with their co-workers.Secondly,physical exercise is a great stress reducer.It is well-known that a healthy mind resides in a healthy body.Excellent physical health makes one feel and think better.As far as management is concerned,managers should be more sensitive to work-family needs and help create a more enjoyable and harmonious workplace.
In conclusion,it is clear that stress at work is an impactful phenomenon that should not be overlooked.I am convinced that becoming aware of stressors and learning to deal with them would put us on the right track for a more rewarding career and healthier lifestyle.
英文语法上的一些小问题我大概帮你改了,让文章更顺畅一些,应该正确.
整体来说你的文章其实是不错的,因为你要表达的意思我都能理解,而且用了一些不错的词汇.当然还是有可以加强的地方,比如说内容,主题说用你的知识和经验举例说明.你可以提说"我在职场上看到X先生一向怎样怎样,但是因为工作压力大变得怎样怎样"(作文可以瞎编,不一定有此人,哈哈.)或者举些新闻或众所周知的名人例子,好像"某某明星因为工作压力大,得了忧郁症."用这种名人例子会比瞎编的好些,因为比较有真实性.
还有一些东西跟你说一下:
"first"和"primary"通常不放在一起用.
"first"是:"首先"我要讲解什么什么.
"primary"是:"主要"
所以除非你有几个主要原因要讲解,才说第一主因,第二主因.可是你解释每个原因都有点短,所以我改成"first"了.其实你可以只举3大原因,每一点讲解多一些会好过很多点但都只是粗略带过.
"costly"是昂贵的意思,这里好像不太适合用,因为你没有提到关于压力和费用的关系.
"epidemic"(这是正确spelling)指"瘟疫".压力不是疾病,所以我改成"phenomenon"(趋势、趋向).
说了很多,而不是故意挑毛病的.加油!:)