找英语笑话3则,要的是精华!短（50-100左右就OK）而精,单词易懂,初中生能听懂的,越容易越好!

找英语笑话3则,要的是精华!短（50-100左右就OK）而精,单词易懂,初中生能听懂的,越容易越好!
找英语笑话3则,要的是精华!短（50-100左右就OK）而精,单词易懂,初中生能听懂的,越容易越好!

找英语笑话3则,要的是精华!短（50-100左右就OK）而精,单词易懂,初中生能听懂的,越容易越好!
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说.“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
Nest and Hair
My sister,a primary school teacher,was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird,ma' am,only the nest," replied the child.
"Then,can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well,ma'am,it just resembles your hair."
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v.相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师.一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝.
“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她.
“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝.”那孩子回答说.
“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道.
“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样.”
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody.What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.
-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.

1.[Try to explain women]
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why ...

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1.[Try to explain women]
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
有个男人死了,他来到了天堂,见到上帝以后他问上帝:
男人: 我能问你几个问题么?
上帝: 当然可以.
男人: 为什么你要把女人创造得这么可爱?
上帝: 让你们喜欢她们啊.
男人: 那为什么你要把女人创造得这么美丽?
上帝: 让你们爱上她们.
男人想了想,说:那为什么你要把她们创造得那么愚蠢呢?
上帝: 那才能让她们爱上你啊!
2.[What should they say?]
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"
一场车祸中,有三个丧生者,他们来到天堂,讨论最想听到家人和朋友对自己说写什么.
第一个人说: 我希望听到他们说我是个最棒的医生和最好的丈夫.
第二个人说: 我希望听到他们说我是个完美的丈夫以及一个能改变孩子未来的伟大的老师.
最后一个人说: 我希望听到他们说 :" 啊!! 你看, 他在动啊!" (他复活了的意思..)
3.[Is the wife in control?]
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.
God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?
The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."
地球上每个人死后都回去天堂,有一天,上帝说:" 我要所有的男人分成两条队, 一边是被自己女人支配的男人,另外一边则是支配自己女人的男人.然后叫所有的女人都跟着st peter去别的地方 . 话刚说完, 他们就排列好了, 被女人支配的男人就像100英米那么长,而支配女人的那条队只有一个人站着. 上帝很生气得说:"当初我照着自己创造出你们, 你们居然都被自己的另一半支配着, 看看这个能让我唯一感到自豪的孩子,你们要向他多学习! 孩子,告诉他们,你是怎样站在这条队上的!
那个男人说:"我不知道啊, 我老婆叫我站在这里的..

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English:
One old person complained to the doctor that his right ear was giving him trouble; he couldn't hear.
So the doctor checked, checked, checked, listened, listened and said, "Oh, you kno...

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English:
One old person complained to the doctor that his right ear was giving him trouble; he couldn't hear.
So the doctor checked, checked, checked, listened, listened and said, "Oh, you know your ear trouble is an old age problem? Your ear is getting old, that's all.That's why you can't hear."So the patient said, "Nonsense, the left ear is just as old.
中文：
有个老人向医生抱怨右耳有问题，听不见。
医生检查又检查、听了又听，然后说：「哦！你知道吗？你耳朵有毛病是因为年老的关系，你的右耳已经老化了，所以才听不到。」
病人说：「胡说！我的左耳也一样老呀！」
English:
Once a hunting party was hopelessly getting lost all the time.
And so the hunting party leader and the hunters became very
angry. And one of them said to the guide, very angrily,
"I thought you advertised that you were the best guide in
New York State." And the guide was also confused and
scratched his head and said, "Yes, yes, I know, I am, I am.
But we're in Canada now!"

中文：
一群猎人在旅途中一直迷路，大家显得无助又生气，其中
一位猎人怒气冲冲地向领队说：「你不是自称为纽约最佳的
向导吗？」被路况搞得昏头转向的领队搔搔头，回答说：
「没错，我的确是啊！可是我们现在是在加拿大呀！」
English:A child aged seven or eight by the name of Ah Da ran hastily to the police station and told a policeman, "Please come quickly! A man is at my house beating up my father; he is dying!" The policemen therefore rushed to the scene with the child. They indeed saw two men fighting with one another. The policeman said, "Which one is your father?"
The child answered, "I also do not know who is my father;that's why they are fighting."
中文：
有一个叫阿达的小孩，七、八岁，匆匆的跑到警察局，说：「哎呀！警察，请你们赶快来，有人在我家那边打我爸爸，快打死了！」警察就赶快冲，跟着小孩子跑回来，果然看到有两个男人在那边互相打架。那个警察说：「哪一个是你的爸爸？」小孩说：「我也不知道谁是我爸爸，所以他们两个才打起来。」
English:
There was a lady from the countryside who came to the city and checked into a hotel. Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to take a tiny room like this, with no window and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a fool just because I don't travel much! I'm going to complain to the manager!" So the bellman said very politely, "Madam,
this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"
中文：
有一位乡下妇人进城去。她到一家旅馆登记住宿后，对提行李的服务生抗议说：「你们怎么可以给我这么小的房间，既没有窗户也没有床！你们别以为我不常旅行就想骗我！我要找你们经理申诉！」那个服务生很客气地回答：「夫人，这里不是你的房间，这是电梯！」
English:
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen!"
中文：
一个人路过疯人院，听见里面的病人正在一起高喊，“十三！十三！” 这人感到很奇怪，碰巧发现栅栏上有一个洞，他附身朝里面看，这时突然 有一个人从里面伸出手指戳中了他的眼睛。于是疯人院里所有人开始一起高喊，“十四！十四！”
English:
A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen!"
中文：
一个人路过疯人院，听见里面的病人正在一起高喊，“十三！十三！” 这人感到很奇怪，碰巧发现栅栏上有一个洞，他附身朝里面看，这时突然 有一个人从里面伸出手指戳中了他的眼睛。于是疯人院里所有人开始一起高喊，“十四！十四！”
English:
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
中文：
精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？
病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？
病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the...

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

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