哪个大神能帮我看一下雅思作文,thanksNowadays,there is a perception held by increasing more people that studying subjectswhich were considered too academic at school would be more beneficial to theyoung person for learning practical matte

哪个大神能帮我看一下雅思作文,thanksNowadays,there is a perception held by increasing more people that studying subjectswhich were considered too academic at school would be more beneficial to theyoung person for learning practical matte
哪个大神能帮我看一下雅思作文,thanks
Nowadays,there is a perception held by increasing more people that studying subjectswhich were considered too academic at school would be more beneficial to theyoung person for learning practical matters.However,I do not share the sameview in this regard.
It is nodenying that those who oppose my idea also have their reasons to someextent.The knowledge got from school was the foundation for further learning.That is probably because,the subjects were made in a professional andsystematic arrangement by the experienced experts in education.
By contrast,people holding the opposite idea are oversimplifying the situation.To startwith,the academic subjects were in a kind of code so that kids cannot showtheir nature.In other words,children were likely forced to solve someproblems in the same way instead of considering by themselves.
Secondly,theyouth would learn about practical matters by social experience rather thansubjects of school.To join in the student union is the excellent way to improveone’s interpersonal skills.And that is a perfect example to support this idea.What’s more,the academic subjects usually taught the students how to solve theproblems of mathematics and chemistry,but cannot give a solution of practicalwork.That is to say.After graduating from the school,students hardly adaptthe society by the knowledge studying from the subjects.
All in all,based on the above discussion,I am firmly convinced that the idea of thatsubject having a good effect on learning practical matters is irrational.Children should be encouraged to take part in the social activity and it is theactual channel to learn home management,work and interpersonal skills

哪个大神能帮我看一下雅思作文,thanksNowadays,there is a perception held by increasing more people that studying subjectswhich were considered too academic at school would be more beneficial to theyoung person for learning practical matte
怎么说呢,你这篇文章的语法和内容都几乎没有问题.运气好的话可能可以拿不错的成绩.这真的是要看评分那人.
我只是个人感觉啊,你这文章的逻辑推论比较多,最好插个例子进去比较好.比如perfect example 那里,你可以多说几句,比较进学生会学到XXX之类的,一两句就行.