请问以下这段英文自我介绍顺畅吗?有语病吗?My name is Freddie, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventua

请问以下这段英文自我介绍顺畅吗?有语病吗?My name is Freddie, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventua
请问以下这段英文自我介绍顺畅吗?有语病吗?
My name is Freddie, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually enroll in this prestigious university in september.
Now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 23 years old,I was graduated from GuangZhou technology school. my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 2002.
In December 2003, I started working in customer service in China Mobile ,Accumulated a lot of experience in customer service
Now i want to change my work.Because I want to change my working environment, I'd like to find a job which is more challenging. SmartTone-Voadfone is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment. That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.
I think I'm a good team player and I'm a person of great honesty to others. Also I am able to work under great pressure.
That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.

请问以下这段英文自我介绍顺畅吗?有语病吗?My name is Freddie, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventua
My name is Freddie,it is my great honor to have an interview with you.I am ready to answer whatever you may raise and to be a member of the prestigious university in September.
Now,please allow me to introduce myself.I am 23 years old.I graduated from GuangZhou technology school,majored electronics.I got my bachelor degree after graduation in 2002.
I worked at Customs Service Department of China Mobile from December 2003 and learned a lot from it.
In order to challenge and develop myself,I come here to apply for a new position.I am a good team player with honesty and hardworking.I fully believe I could achieve and realize my goals and make great contribution to SmartTome-Voadfone,a well-known global company.
Thank you for your time and attention.Please feel free to ask me if any problem.

这个是口头的还是书面的？
如果是口头的话那可以了
如果是书面的话注意下从句，标点方面的问题，用词很不错了

第一行"a "改为"an"

My name is Freddie. it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for an interview, i would like to answer whatever questions you may ask. i hope i could make a good impression today so as to ...

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My name is Freddie. it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for an interview, i would like to answer whatever questions you may ask. i hope i could make a good impression today so as to be accepted in the prestigious university.
Now please let me introduce myself . i am 23 years old, I graduated from GuangZhou technology school. my major is electronic.
In December 2003, I worked in customer service in China Mobile , where I have accumulated a lot of experiences.
Now I feel it is time for a change. I am that type of person who is fond of new challenges. SmartTone-Voadfone is a global company, I feel that it certainly can meet my demands for such a new chanllenge. That is why I come here to compete for this position.
I'm a good team player. I'm honest and hardworking. Also I am able to work under great pressures.
That’s all. Thank you for giving me the chance.
见工面试讲话最好简短.

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