帮我看看我的雅思作文,顺便评一个分,很急!拜托、拜托!题目：Some people think that children should not violate the rules set by teachers and parents, while others insist that natural development might be better for their adult l

帮我看看我的雅思作文,顺便评一个分,很急!拜托、拜托!题目：Some people think that children should not violate the rules set by teachers and parents, while others insist that natural development might be better for their adult l
帮我看看我的雅思作文,顺便评一个分,很急!拜托、拜托!
题目：Some people think that children should not violate the rules set by teachers and parents, while others insist that natural development might be better for their adult life, what is your opinion.
文章： Many hotly-debated issues have arisen in children’s education, one of which is whether children should abide by the rules set up by their parents and teachers. Views regarding this issue vary greatly from person to person.
Some people hold the view that natural development is better for children’s further development. They argue that by the natural development children can do things what they really want to do. As a popular saying goes ‘interest is the best teacher.’ If children who are interested in doing something, such as studying math, playing a piano, sing or dancing, compared with those who are pushed to do, will do better. Also by growing naturally, children might become more independent than others and can handle the problem by themselves.
Other people, however hole different view. They maintain that it is pivotal for children to obey the rules. They lend support to their view by pointing out the fact that it is not rarity to read some reports on the newspapers or magazines in term of juvenile delinquency. This phenomenon mainly attribute to the violation of rules set up by their parents and teachers. Children can not completely distinguish what they should and should not do in some extent. So what they really need is rules and guidance to avoid being influenced by their so-called friends or other people who have ulterior motivate.
As far as I am concerned, natural development, of course, play a vital role in children’s adult life. Rules, however, are more important. As a great ideologist Mencius in ancient china once said that nothing can be accomplished without norms and standards. So, rules are of great importance in terms of children’s adult life.
如果好的话加分!

帮我看看我的雅思作文,顺便评一个分,很急!拜托、拜托!题目：Some people think that children should not violate the rules set by teachers and parents, while others insist that natural development might be better for their adult l
如果字数符合这一题的要求的话,单从语言方面最少7分应该是有了,8分以上应该有希望
但是从问题来看,他问作者的观点,你的文章中只有最后一段直接阐明了你的观点,我觉得这是雅思的大忌……中间两段对两种观点的阐述会让阅卷者觉得你有模棱两可,回避给出自己答案的嫌疑.有清晰的观点在在该类文章中十分重要.并且你的文章多集中在理论论证,可以支持你观点的例证不多,会让重视实例的老外觉得你的statement有一点weak,会怀疑你的validity.这是我觉得不足的地方,相信可能会有一定的扣分.
建议lz以后在写作类似的文章时,可参考一下的结构
1.少许的背景介绍
2.明确的提出自己的观点（绝不可以说两种都正确,或两种都错误这样的话）
3.根据篇幅要求,分小点说明自己持有该观点的理由,并用数据或例子加以支持
4.可以引用适当的自身经历,或进行严格的逻辑推理
5.应用谚语和名人名言也是好的
6.可能会有的不同见解,自己对这些见解的反驳.也需要例证
7.结论.
在考试时要找到统计数据或例子都是不容易的,可以使用著名的例子,或当下热门话题.平时也要注重积累.可以的话,在考卷的其他部分找到可以引用得材料,记得用正确的格式写上reference
在考试过程中对例证的要求不会像对argument或critique一样严格,但是坚持严肃的学术写作作风会给阅卷者良好的映像,展示你的专业水准~并对你以后的论文或其他文章写作也是很好的练习

我觉得总体上6,5到7分吧，我看新东方的7分范文中词汇和语法都要更为复杂和流畅一些。表达也更为简洁