下句定语从句使用错误,感觉还有其他错误?如何改正?For example,increase the money of fines and extend time of detention,then that ones can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment are released from prison,whic

下句定语从句使用错误,感觉还有其他错误?如何改正?For example,increase the money of fines and extend time of detention,then that ones can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment are released from prison,whic
下句定语从句使用错误,感觉还有其他错误?如何改正?
For example,increase the money of fines and extend time of detention,then that ones can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment are released from prison,which pay attention to the motivation of repeat an offense.翻译：比如,增加罚款金额和延长拘留时间,以至于可以警醒那些在监狱刑满到期从监狱被释放的人,关注再次犯罪的动机.

下句定语从句使用错误,感觉还有其他错误?如何改正?For example,increase the money of fines and extend time of detention,then that ones can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment are released from prison,whic
For example, increase the money of fines and extend time of detention, (then that) ones can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment are released from prison, (which) pay attention to the motivation of repeat an offense. 句中有括号括起来的两处错误.

　　1、祈使句式和另一个句子用 and并列表示顺势连接,意思是“只要…那么”,用 or 并列表示逆转连接,意思是“只要…否则”
　　increase the money of fines and extend time of detention 是祈使句,此处与后面的句子是顺势连接,表示“只要增加罚款金额和延长拘禁时间,那么人们就可以警告那些人”,因此需要把then that 改为 and.

　　2、pay attention是主语 ones的行为,应该用关系代词 who指代,用来进一步说明 ones 是什么样的一些人.

参考译文（直译）：例如,只要增加罚款金额和延长拘禁时间,那么（某些人）就可以警告那些达到刑满释放的人,他们是一些关注重复犯罪动机的人.

我认为此句英语表达有语法错误：increase...句和then that ones...句缺少连接词，且that 一般不能引导非限定性定语从句，也不能修饰复数ones；reach和are released 是并列关系，同作who引导定从的谓语；如果是被释放的人关注，不能用which引导从句，which引导定语从句指代食物。根据汉语意思 "关注再次犯罪的动机" 应该是 “警醒” 的结果或目的，所以...

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我认为此句英语表达有语法错误：increase...句和then that ones...句缺少连接词，且that 一般不能引导非限定性定语从句，也不能修饰复数ones；reach和are released 是并列关系，同作who引导定从的谓语；如果是被释放的人关注，不能用which引导从句，which引导定语从句指代食物。根据汉语意思 "关注再次犯罪的动机" 应该是 “警醒” 的结果或目的，所以我认为应改为这样：For example, increase the money of fines and extend time of detention,which can alert those people who reach the expiration of the imprisonment and are released from prison to pay attention to the motivation of repeat an offense.

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