大侠帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得几分A recent research on Chinese campus shows that more than sixty percent of Chinese university students do part-time jobs when they are free.Some educators may argue that part-time jobs distract students

大侠帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得几分A recent research on Chinese campus shows that more than sixty percent of Chinese university students do part-time jobs when they are free.Some educators may argue that part-time jobs distract students
大侠帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得几分
A recent research on Chinese campus shows that more than sixty percent of Chinese university students do part-time jobs when they are free.Some educators may argue that part-time jobs distract students’ attention from study,which is the main job students should do during their college years,but more people believe that part-time jobs help students a lot.As a college student myself,I totally support the idea that college students should get part-time jobs.In my opinion,part-time jobs help the student in the following three aspects.
Firstly,you can earn some money to feed yourself and relieve your family’s economic burden.To middle-class families,support their children to go to college cost most of their incomes.If a student gets a part-time job as a waitress in a restaurant,she will be able to pay for some basic needs,such as food and dress,and improve the economic condition of her family.
Secondly,students can get work experience when doing the part time job,which enables them to get jobs more easily than those who don’t do part-time jobs after graduation.For example,an engineering student can work as a part-time assistant for an architect in a construction company.He or she can accumulate experience about his or her major when working there.These experience benefits the student not only in finding jobs in the future,but also in their specialized courses at present.
Last but not the least,doing part-time jobs can give the students opportunities to communicate with more people and expand the student’s interpersonal relationship with others.For instance,students who work in art galleries may make some friends with painters,art dealers and art lovers; students who work in computer companies can meet some software engineers,market managers and computer developing technicians.These relationships can provide the student convenient helpers later in life.
In conclusion,doing a part-time job makes students more competitive in the future,in the full-time job market.If a student wants an excellent job in society,he or she should try to be a part-time worker.

大侠帮忙看看这篇托福作文能得几分A recent research on Chinese campus shows that more than sixty percent of Chinese university students do part-time jobs when they are free.Some educators may argue that part-time jobs distract students
应该是五分的,有些小错误
To middle-class families,support their children
support should be supporting.
下文还有几个类似错误.
这些句子应该使用动名词作为主语.