请帮忙批改雅思小作文,能得几分,剑桥4 test4的小作文The line chart above illustrates the data relate with the people travelled to Britain and the UK people visited abroad form Briitain in two decades while the second bar graph descri

请帮忙批改雅思小作文,能得几分,剑桥4 test4的小作文The line chart above illustrates the data relate with the people travelled to Britain and the UK people visited abroad form Briitain in two decades while the second bar graph descri
请帮忙批改雅思小作文,能得几分,剑桥4 test4的小作文
The line chart above illustrates the data relate with the people travelled to Britain and the UK people visited abroad form Briitain in two decades while the second bar graph describe how many countries were the most popular visited by UK residents in 1999
Through observe first line chart we can see that the people visited to and from the UK have shown an upward trend in 20 years time.To be more specific,between 1979 and 1985,they both steady grew from 12 millions to 20 millions,10 millions to 12 millions respectively,after that ,1985 onwards they both have experienced a soar increase,especially the data of the UK resident travelled to other countries,astonishingly arrived at 53 millions in 1999.The rise of visited the UK is lower than former(28 millions,1999)
According to the second bar graph the most popular visited place were consist of five countries.Obviously the British prefer visited to France than any other country(12 millions,1999),.Flowed by Spain (9 millions,1999).And then the US,Greece,Turkey lagged far behind,the figure is 4 millions,3millions,2millions respectively.
Therefore,it can be clearly seen from the graph that the amount of visited to and from the UK has a great increase.By contrast,the UK people like to visit French and Spain very much.

请帮忙批改雅思小作文,能得几分,剑桥4 test4的小作文The line chart above illustrates the data relate with the people travelled to Britain and the UK people visited abroad form Briitain in two decades while the second bar graph descri
Through observe first line chart 中式英语 From the first line chart 也比你这个好
they both steady grew from 12 millions to 20 millions 语法错误
smoothly grew
the UK people like to visit French and Spain very much.老外不喜欢这样的语法 ,definitly prefer to visit
Obviously the British prefer visited to France than any other country
语法错误 prefer France than any
得分应该可以5.5 ,因为你用了不少插入语,句式还不错,否则只有5分了

词类丰富，未发现拼写错误，同时过渡词和衔接词也很丰富
楼上说的新东方批改网我用过，还可以，你可以试试