刚写了一篇托福独立写作,求批改,People listen to music for different reasons and at different times.Why is music important to many people?正文：It can never be doubted that music has been the best companion of human beings since it was

刚写了一篇托福独立写作,求批改,People listen to music for different reasons and at different times.Why is music important to many people?正文：It can never be doubted that music has been the best companion of human beings since it was
刚写了一篇托福独立写作,求批改,
People listen to music for different reasons and at different times.Why is music important to many people?
正文：
It can never be doubted that music has been the best companion of human beings since it was used in oringin hunting and military.Music still takes the one of the most important role of our life.It can temperate our mood,consolidate our heart and make the fasion points.
Human can be touchd by music.People who are listening to the relaxed,fine,music tend to behavior easily and happily.By contrast,the sadder melody you listen to,the gloomier you will be.For example we can find that the good music is played in most of makets to attract and stimulate customers to purchase more.As a matter of fact,the turnover of market which plays fine music will be more than those which do not.
Music also can consolidate our hearts and volition.When we face some difficulties or setbacks,Music can strength our confidence,help us conqer the difficulties.Marseillaise,which is the anthem of France,is a famous song all over the world.In 18th century,French people got the final victory of the Great Revolution under the inspiration of Marseillaise.Another famous music is the Internationate,which was created by Eugène Pottier,composed by Pierre De Geyter.The Internationate conmemorate the revolting of the French workors and the failure of the Paris Commute.Now it is still the song of battling over the proletarians.
In the past of decades years,the muti-styles of music has been created by artists.They are Blues,Hip-Hop……all of them became the fashion focus at that present and have been welcomed by most of young people.It is the music that forge some super stars who we chreished,the king of cats(Alvis Presley),the beatles andMichel Jackson which is my favorate super star.The music which they offer us give us happy,feeling of fashion and self confidence.
“No music,no life”.which is the famous saying by some fans.,tell us that we will not enjoy lives without music.It is too important to miss any part of the wonderful music.People are expecting more and better music.

刚写了一篇托福独立写作,求批改,People listen to music for different reasons and at different times.Why is music important to many people?正文：It can never be doubted that music has been the best companion of human beings since it was
第一段,human beings改humanity.origin改ancient.Music still takes the one改Music is still taking.role改roles.of our life改in our life.temperate改temper.
第二段,touched改moved.relaxed改relaxing.fine去掉.behavior改behave.by contrast那句和上文不连贯,用不着比较的结构.for example后面最好加逗号.而且看不出for example到底是为什么提供example.the good music改成music.to attract的那个部分改成to attract customers and stimulate them to purchase more.最后一句比较错误,more than的部分改成more than that of those markets which do not,前面的market最好也改成复数
第三段,第二句里面的Music用不着大写,help前面的逗号改成and.in 18th century改成In the 18th century.马赛曲的例子不好,因为当初的革命有暴民的成分.Internationate更不好,宣传社×会×主×义的,共×产×主×义,无产阶级的老外更讨厌了.而且两个都是法国的.workers拼成了workors错了.不是写中国的作文,这两个例子怎么能用呢?政×治啊!
第四段,decades后面的years去掉.the muti-styles of music改成music of different types.most of里的of去掉.some super star里some去掉.后面举出著名歌星之前,前面最好加上for instance.后面which,相同的错误,改成who.The music which they offer太繁杂,which去掉.另外这些基本都是死人,要用过去式,offer改成offered.
第五段,fans后面既有逗号又有句号!句号去掉.some又来了,改成quite a few之类的不行嘛?tell改成tells.It is too的那句我是看不懂,再者miss有歧义.
这些是大略看一遍的结果,问题貌似不太少啊?是第一篇吧.词汇有的很高级,有的比较傻x,应该是查过字典的.用法上有些错误,语法不太注意,很多都是SAT改错之类的经典错误,例子选的不好,也不够多,而且你的万能例子里面应该没有这个吧.没有连接的语言,这个倒也无所谓,但是影响速度.文套你还是准备一个的好.文章开头结尾缺少中心语,只能说明music is important却不能回答why is music important to many people的问题.这篇文章两问的第一问算是回答的比较好.定语从句太多,句式比较单调,没有一个牛句,没有名言,建议去看看倒装句的用法.
楼主的文章和一篇优秀的托福文章相比还有很多不足,建议你哈,要用SAT作文的水准来要求自己,这样才能写出好文章.我觉得SAT的语法和词汇部分对写作文还是很有好处滴,一定要多看多练.

我已经n久没有写托福、SAT的文章了（去年10月份就全部搞定了）尚且能看出那么多错误,如果让一个SAT、托福的老师来看不是问题更多.再者SAT、托福不是没有这些硬伤的错误就行的,还要优秀才行.逻辑神马都要好,叙述要清晰,语言要有气势（反问,排比,反讽）一些修辞你中文里会用,英文也要会用的哈.按照SAT的标准,只有严格要求,才能出成绩的.而且啊,考试的时候你会紧张,就更麻烦了.不过好在你时间充裕的很,现在多练练,SAT写出接近满分的文章托福写出篇好文章还是完全可以的.而且文章要写的快才行,托福的时间应该是比SAT充裕的多的,应该可以写的很长,要写的长要有例子填充,这些都要你平时积累.
像这篇文章的例子应该还是挺好举的,比如
爱因斯坦喜好小提琴,因为他认为物理和音乐有着密不可分的联系,音乐有着物理的规律,然后瞎吹一通（放心,名人轶事本来就是吹出来的）
辛德勒名单的主题非常好听,很多人都喜爱,出于人们心中的正义感和对善良的支持（这就比你的国际歌好,反法西斯、讲人道肯定没有争议的）这样音乐的重要性在于可以宣传爱的主题,让人们牢记历史.
再来个假设的虚拟,如果星球大战的电影没有约翰威廉姆斯的配乐会多么单调啊,说明音乐对于渲染一种氛围非常重要.
等等等等,思维要发散一点.托福的还是比较具体的,不像SAT的比较抽象,例子应该更容易想到才对.