四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你

四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你
四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!
这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你的写法写在下面给我参考就可以了!四级快到了!感激不尽!
Living alone or Living with roommates
Written by Zhao Lee
When asked about college students should live alone or live with roommates ,different students will have different preferences .Some students choose to live alone ,while others would rather live with roommates.
Those students who make the former choice believe living alone can make them enjoy more peace and quiet.Besides,they argue ,under such peaceful conditions ,they can focus their attention on their own study easily ,learning efficiently and gain more knowledge .However ,still other students choose to live with roommates.From their perspectives ,college career includes not only learning but also how to cope with other people .In addition ,they hold the point that living with roommates is convenient for them to make friends with each other .
As to me ,I am inclined to live with roommates since I am not good at fitting in with other peers and dorm life may benefit me .Furthermore ,I can get immediate help from students around me when I alone can not handle a matter .Given these factors ,I think I’d better live with roommates.

四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你
When asked about college students should live alone or live with roommates ,different students will have different preferences.Some students choose to live alone ,while others would rather live with roommates.（用while的时候尽量保持两个句子的时态一致,因为while有隐含的同时发生的意思,但这是个小问题）
Those students who make the former choice believe （书面语中最好不要省略that,因为要引导句子）living alone can make them enjoy more peace and quiet.（没有错误但是有些拗口,can,make这样的动词范围太大,适当换成更为精致的动词） Besides,they argue（that） ,under such peaceful conditions ,they can focus their attention on their own study easily ,learning（与前后动词保持平行用learn） efficiently and gain more knowledge .However ,still other students choose to live with roommates.From their perspectives ,college career includes not only learning but also how to cope with other people.（英语讲求美的平行,not only..but also...后面接平行的形式会使句子更为漂亮,如not only how to...but also how to...） In addition ,they（这个代词指代得也太远了～直接用名词更好） hold the point that living with roommates is convenient for them（指代不清楚,有指代roommates的歧义） to make friends with each other.（用other classmates更清晰）
As to me ,I am inclined to live with roommates since I am not good at fitting in with other peers and dorm life may benefit me .Furthermore ,I can get immediate help from students around me when I alone can not handle a matter（alone放到句末） .Given these factors ,I think I’d better live with roommates.
很大的问题没有.如果是四级的话应该是还可以的吧.个人觉得代词用得太多,使得中间部分很模糊,说了那么多他们他们他们,谁知道指的是什么呢?能用名词的时候尽量用名词要显得清楚简洁得多.恩.

你还不如让你同学帮你看一下，这种问题估计没人会，会的人没时间

不要用太多长句，容易出错，一旦错了，就扣分的

怎么问这个作文，难道是今年的考题？

臃肿了，要简短明了。