请朋友们帮我修改ESSAY,topic:at present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Do you think the voting age should be younger,for example,at 16?Discuss your reasons.正文：At present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Some p

请朋友们帮我修改ESSAY,topic:at present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Do you think the voting age should be younger,for example,at 16?Discuss your reasons.正文：At present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Some p
请朋友们帮我修改ESSAY,
topic:at present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Do you think the voting age should be younger,for example,at 16?Discuss your reasons.
正文：
At present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Some people think the voting age should be at 16 because they should have a right to take part in elections,and some think they are mature enough and they can understand what exactly they are voting for.At the same time,others think that people at the age of 16 are not suitable to vote because they are too immature to become responsible voters.
Many people think that young people at the age of 16 should have a right to participate in elections.First of all,they have already learnt all kinds of knowledge from school and today’s societies.Meanwhile,all of that information helps them choose which party is better for Australia’s future.Secondly,they are mature enough and should give a say in political issues.Finally,In Australia,people at the age of 15 can go to work and pay taxes on the jobs,and they at 16 also can apply for a learner license.In Australia and New Zealand,people at the age of 16 have a right to get married,and in Russia,the legal age of marriage is 15.Therefore,they should be involved in political issues.
Moreover,people at the age of 16 think that voting gives them an opportunity to make a decision on their own.As high school students,they have to make decisions at school or everyday life in person.For instance,they need to choose one person to be the monitor of their class or to make a choice who will be a good leader of the student union at school.Before 18 years old,they need to decide if they have alcohol or not in their life.Because the legal of age of drinking is 18 years old,they must be away from alcohol,otherwise they will be punished.Meanwhile,they have to choose which subject or university they are interested at school.All of those experiences have made them form personal characters and train their making judgments for themselves.Nowadays,high school students are educated not only at school,but also by media,internet communities and other channels.At this stage of teenage are absorbed in political issues.What they have learnt can help them comprehend what has happened today and make a right decision in political issues.
However,other people think that voting is a big responsibility for people at the age of 16.Usually,they are still studying in high school,and their life experience and knowledge is not sufficient to make a right choice in political issues.Then,they are too young and most of them are not interested in Politics.They will waste many votes if they are a lack of knowledge in politics.For high school students,they should pay more attention to study and strengthen their abilities before they take on the responsibility of voting.Thirdly,they are still immature and rely on their parents,so they need time to learn about the knowledge related to politics.
过有CONCLUSION发不下了，超过可发数量。
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请朋友们帮我修改ESSAY,topic:at present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Do you think the voting age should be younger,for example,at 16?Discuss your reasons.正文：At present,people in Australia may vote at the age of 18.Some p
我没时间给你改,我这还要高考呢,我也在澳,不过你的用词过于简单了,而且澳洲不是16岁就可以结婚的我记的.还有你没有introduction和conclusion.intro和conclu,都要 at least 4 sentences.intro and conclu 都要respone to body.教你个开头,it comes to my/people's(取决于是用第一人称还是第二人称写) attention that .

essay 写错了
先要introduction