托福作文求批改.同不同意-----Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life?Happiness is a feeling that can comfort everyone.Some people get happiness from their job,and others get it in their social life.I think it is our

托福作文求批改.同不同意-----Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life?Happiness is a feeling that can comfort everyone.Some people get happiness from their job,and others get it in their social life.I think it is our
托福作文求批改.同不同意-----Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life?
Happiness is a feeling that can comfort everyone.Some people get happiness from their job,and others get it in their social life.I think it is our jobs that has more effect on our happiness than our social life.
First and foremost,most people regard the succeed in their job as the most happiness thing in their life.Many successful people are occupied with their business,some of them even do not have social life.Do they get happiness?Of course they do.Because what makes them feel happiness is that their business can become good.My father is a salesman,everyday he attaches his attention to how can he sell more clothes.I remember last year he sold ten thousand piece of clothes,and he was so happy.Even though he was so tired last year,as he did not have social life ,he still felt happiness.Because he succeed in his career.
In addition,we spend most of the time in our job.We have to work from Monday to Friday.We do not have much time to enjoy our social life.So most of us will get the happiness when we are working.Both our co-workers and our bosses will bring us happiness.I want to take myself as an example.I am a strange girl that I really want to spend all of my time in my office,as a result that my co-workers are so fun that they always make me laugh.Everyday they sing songs and tell jokes in the office when we do not have much work to do.It makes me feel that we are in a big family.
Admittedly,social life is essential in our daily life.When we go hiking or shopping with friends,we will feel so happy.However,our job has more effect as a result that it brings us satisfaction and we spend most of our time on it,which makes us feel more happiness than our social life.

托福作文求批改.同不同意-----Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life?Happiness is a feeling that can comfort everyone.Some people get happiness from their job,and others get it in their social life.I think it is our
第一行 some...,while others...
most people regard the success...
句子和句子之间要用句号,或者连接词,注意语法
例子还要再展开具体一点
不要重复用某些词,像happiness,换词
句式要多样一点

第一个and改成but表示对比转折

您好，我是雅思培训专家——合肥新航道英语培训学校!

感谢您对新航道企业平台的支持，希望我们的回答能帮助到您！

作文这块一直以来都是雅思考试的难点之一，我建议你可以报考学习一下新航道的雅思培训班，进行专项的作文培训，效果会更好！

若有关于雅思培训的疑问可登录我们的合肥新航道雅思培训官方网站：http://hf.xhd.cn

合肥新航道英语培训学校

地址：长江中路369号CBD中央广场写字楼