新托福独立作文求批改~在家工作好不好正文：Have you ever worked for a full day long period without any break?Have you ever felt helpless because of no pears around you when facing to a problem?Have you ever had a sense of loneness f

新托福独立作文求批改~在家工作好不好正文：Have you ever worked for a full day long period without any break?Have you ever felt helpless because of no pears around you when facing to a problem?Have you ever had a sense of loneness f
新托福独立作文求批改~
在家工作好不好
正文：
Have you ever worked for a full day long period without any break?Have you ever felt helpless because of no pears around you when facing to a problem?Have you ever had a sense of loneness for staying all day long at home?
If you have some kinds of these experience,you will know working at home using computers or telephones instead of working in the office is a bad idea.Reasons are comming as follows:
Working at home can lower the effectiveness and thus result in keeping working all day long.Instead of office working time,no restrict working is needed when you are at home.That means,you can go to work in every tiny period of time.Freedom you can feel right?However,in other way,freedom of working time means no freedom of resting time.You may keep all day working because of the pile of jobs never go down.No saying the working time,how about the efficency?No one would justify your efficency any more,and thus your working effectiveness will be lower,making less contribute to the company.So,working at home do no good to a regular working time and may lower the efficiency.
Working in an office have many beneficials.One of the most obviously benefit is that,you can cooperate with your office partners.Nowadays we all value cooperation very high for the reason that,"Cooperation is productivity" Imaging that when you have an assignment to design a computer hardware,how much you need a team or cooperation group to fufill this goal.Admitedly,working at home may provide you a quite surroundings for inspirations,but this just an aspect of the total assignment,you still need group works which home-working can not provide you.In sum,working in office can help you communicate better with your partners.
Working in office,in sometimes,work as a group,will surely increase your relationship with partners.All of us are freshbodies,we all need friendships to keep a healthy mind.So working in offine can surely provide us an opinion to get such kinds of relationships.
To sum up all my opinions,although working at home can provide some convenience such as free schedule and quiet surroundings,it's benefits can not conquir that of working in office,which can prove our officency,help us cooperate better and increase our relationship between others.
400字,没订正过的原版,存在拼写、主谓一致等小错误10个,求打分,求修改建议,求写作建议,

新托福独立作文求批改~在家工作好不好正文：Have you ever worked for a full day long period without any break?Have you ever felt helpless because of no pears around you when facing to a problem?Have you ever had a sense of loneness f
这个我顶多给你16分.一上来就这么多语法错误是不行的.美国人跟我们中国人一样,印象是很重要的.你的复杂句语病太多,表达不准确,用词太低级.说明态度还是有点不太认真——对于文字的精准度自己要求不够高.建议你好好找人看一下你的语法问题,你这个语法问题绝对不止10处,我看了两段就挑出10多处了...