英语小故事,笑话等跪求1个英语的小故事,或笑话什么的!要求,简短,而且初一初二水平左右的,

英语小故事,笑话等跪求1个英语的小故事,或笑话什么的!要求,简短,而且初一初二水平左右的,
英语小故事,笑话等
跪求1个英语的小故事,或笑话什么的!要求,简短,而且初一初二水平左右的,

英语小故事,笑话等跪求1个英语的小故事,或笑话什么的!要求,简短,而且初一初二水平左右的,
1.Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree,I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator,someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened,I felt a compassionate pat on my back,and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me."You'll get that degree,dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员.一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低.我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过.
最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑.“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德.”
2.Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles."When I say,'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond,'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来,”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说.“我说‘下午好’,本科生们回答说‘下午好’.研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上.”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called,saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier.She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct."I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed,"that you're still alive.Whenever the writer has died,I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话,说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章.她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠.“我还想确定,”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在.每次发现作者已经不在人世了,我才知道我将文章压得太久了.”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago,my dad,an attorney,took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City.When the bill arrived,there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter.Dad paid the bill,including the charge for bread and butter.However,the next day,he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for.Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked,"What is this $500 bill for?We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied,"I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前,我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆.帐单上来时,上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费.爸爸付了帐,连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了.但是第二天,他给餐馆寄了一封信,说那项收费是没有道理的.随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单.
餐馆马上打来电话,问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事?我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务.”
爸爸答道,“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油.”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来.
5.Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor,who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills,slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office,strolled in and said to his boss:"I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss,"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠.他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药.
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来.他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有.”
“好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
英文谚语大全
Each bird loves to hear himself sing.鸟儿都爱听自己唱歌.
Each day brings its own bread.天无绝人之路.
Each man is the architect of his own fate.命运掌握在自己手中.
Eagles catch no flies.大人物不计较小事情.
Eagles fly alone,but sheep flock together.鹰单飞,羊群集.
Early mistakes are the seeds of future trouble.早期的错误可以酿成日后的麻烦.
Early sow,early mow.播种早的收获早.
Early start makes easy stages.早开始是成功的保证.
Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy,wealthy and wise.早睡早起,令人健康、富有而且聪明.

Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the...

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

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women:Say "l love you"
man:...
women:say it!
man:...
women:say it!
man:it!
...

一
Mother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?"
"Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her thr...

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一
Mother asked her little boy, "Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?"
"Nothing, Mum," answered the son proundly, "instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three."
二
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
三
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out(激怒) by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe.
四
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

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