ielts 可以帮我改 ielts作文么?1Television is playing more and more important role in today.But nowadays,more and more people think television broken the relationship of family members.I think this opinion is a little extreme views.I think we h

ielts 可以帮我改 ielts作文么?1Television is playing more and more important role in today.But nowadays,more and more people think television broken the relationship of family members.I think this opinion is a little extreme views.I think we h
ielts 可以帮我改 ielts作文么?
1
Television is playing more and more important role in today.But nowadays,more and more people think television broken the relationship of family members.I think this opinion is a little extreme views.
I think we have to know some news from TV every day.Now the technology develop so fast.Maybe some of us have no time to read the news from newspaper.So we should know the world from TV.We can watch TV with our family members and we can discuss the news with them,too.So I think it is a good way to get together with them.
If someone must hold that it is TV that alienates the relationship of family members.I want to tell them.TV is one of all the reasons,but it is not TV that took somebody from his family.We have a number of productions now.Maybe computer or mobile phone is the real “killer”,too.The reason why some of us feel TV alienated the relationship of family members is that we have not talked with them for a long time.
It is my opinion that we should talk and communicate with our family members and friends.Not only talk to them,but also listen to them.Then we can obtain much more happiness from our families.
Therefore,I do not agree that TV has destroyed communication among family.
2
In modern time,many people discuss where we should get knowledge.Some of them think we should obtain the knowledge from book.Others say we should gain knowledge from our experience.Well,in my view,I think experience is more important for us.
First,people are learning through their whole life.We can know how to eat,how to drink,how to dress clothes and so on from experience.And it is hard to understand them from book.The best way to do these things is experience.We have to do these things by ourselves.It is better than we get these from book.
Furthermore,are all the of books right?I think it is not.For example,the history is Japanese history book.Some mistakes are in the book.If we believe book so much,maybe we will make some mistakes in the future.We should read books,but we can’t depend on books so much.We should believe ourselves,believe our real experience.Our best leaders are our real experience.
In addition,book is based on experience.One writes a book should use his own experience.Maybe it is not suit everybody.Everyone also have their own experience.So everyone can have their own book.So experience is more important than book.
To sum up,I want to say,it is so important to get the knowledge from book,but it is more important to gain knowledge from our own experience.That is one of the best ways to lead us to success.

ielts 可以帮我改 ielts作文么?1Television is playing more and more important role in today.But nowadays,more and more people think television broken the relationship of family members.I think this opinion is a little extreme views.I think we h
我给你细致的改改.(别用那么多i think,这是英语考试,西方的思维更重视客观,your opinion则是相对主观的东西.)
Compared with the old equipments such as radio,television has been playing more and more signifcant role nowdays.A growing number of people think television breaks the relationship of family members.I think this opinion shows an extreme attitude under certain circumstances.
TV is a necessary part for human to get news every day.The technologies have developed so fast in these several centuries.Maybe some of us have no time to read the news from newspaper,so we should know the world from TV.We can watch TV with our family members and discuss whether the news are interesting with each others.So there is no doubt that it is a good way to bestow the relationship their new hopes.
先改到这里吧,多用关联词,表达上要尽量避免主观,尽量使用一些生词,丰富你的内容,中间的分析段落至少要写到80字每段左右,而且记住每篇文章都要有一个明确的主题,切忌跑题.试着举一些例子,例如bill gates,the ceo of microsoft which influences the develop of the whole world in the subject of software,always watched TV every morning when he was a boy just because the news from TV are timely and really.

In 去掉 ，还有就是television前面加一个 the ，因为单数名词不能但独用
Broken 改成 breaks （和主句时态不一致） 还有就是 television 前加 the
Views 去掉s
我实在看不下去了，先别说单词用的比较简单，光是语法后面就错了一大堆啊
建议你自己好好检查先然后再贴出来
你现在的这篇文章如果我是考官的话冲你...

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In 去掉 ，还有就是television前面加一个 the ，因为单数名词不能但独用
Broken 改成 breaks （和主句时态不一致） 还有就是 television 前加 the
Views 去掉s
我实在看不下去了，先别说单词用的比较简单，光是语法后面就错了一大堆啊
建议你自己好好检查先然后再贴出来
你现在的这篇文章如果我是考官的话冲你这么多语法错误的话我最多给你个3-4分 别怪我太直接

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