雅思作文(求批改评分 )As for elderly,living in caring house is better than living at home with young children.Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.Nowadays,it is a quite common phenomenon that an increasing number

雅思作文(求批改评分 )As for elderly,living in caring house is better than living at home with young children.Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.Nowadays,it is a quite common phenomenon that an increasing number
雅思作文(求批改评分 )
As for elderly,living in caring house is better than living at home with young children.Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.
Nowadays,it is a quite common phenomenon that an increasing number of old people choose to live in caring house.Some people claim that living in caring house can afford the old more comfortable environment than at home.Personally,I agree with their view,but with reservation.
On the one hand,there is no denying that sending the aged to caring house brings numerous benefits.To start with,in the caring house,old people can benefit from first-rate facilities and nursing care.As the social competition become increasingly stiff,adult children tend to have less time to take care of their parents.By the contrast,there are professional facilities and nurses in caring house,which help to keep old people’s fitness and look after them.Moreover,the old may enjoy more pleasure and entertainment.Apparently,in caring house,old man may make friends with other old people who have the same hobbies; thereby dispelling loneness and enjoying their lives.Last but not the least,in terms of maintaining family harmony,sending the old to caring house has inherent advantages.More specifically,between adult children and the old,there is a generation gap,which leads to misunderstanding and quarrels.Therefore,sending old people to caring house may avoid the problem and keep family harmonious.
On the other hand,there are several disadvantages of living in caring house as well.The reason for this is that the old may suffer homesick.The old people may miss their children,particularly when they live in caring house for a long time.Nevertheless,this may not happen if young people take some measures.For instance,adult children may keep in touch with parents or spend their weekend with parents.
To sum up,living in caring house does not come without adverse effects.However,effective measures can be taken to combat the problem.Overall,I would conclude that with the development of caring house,it is the best choice for the old to enjoy their lives.

雅思作文(求批改评分 )As for elderly,living in caring house is better than living at home with young children.Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.Nowadays,it is a quite common phenomenon that an increasing number
Comments:
First of all,the article is obviously related to the topic.that's a good thing.But there is no response to any position.As you wrote" I agree with their view,but with reservation." This is a logical error,it causes the reluctance of identification for your main ideas.There is no such thing in English.
Secondly,you attempted to use paragraphs and basic connectives,but there is little logical progression.Instead the ideas are very repeative and cirular both within and between paragraphs.
Thirdly,There are occasional examples of a wider range vocabuary usage but there is also errors in word and preposition choice that confuse me.
Finally,I think you are better off trying some rarely used word and do not attempt to lengthen the sentence.These all will lower your band score.
Cheers :)