麻烦各位帮忙检查一些这篇托福作文的语法错误,Nowadays,it is commonly believed that only those people who earn a lot of money can be considered as successful.Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich,and some of

麻烦各位帮忙检查一些这篇托福作文的语法错误,Nowadays,it is commonly believed that only those people who earn a lot of money can be considered as successful.Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich,and some of
麻烦各位帮忙检查一些这篇托福作文的语法错误,
Nowadays,it is commonly believed that only those people who earn a lot of money can be considered as successful.Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich,and some of them even live luxuriously.But can we simply equate wealth with success?For me,the answer may be negative and there are two main reasons I shall point out.
First of all,there are many people who are regarded as successful person while they actually don’t have a lot of money.For example,as we all know that Martin Luther King didn’t earn a lot of money,but no one would doubt that he was the most successful person in the history of civil rights.Another example is Lei Feng,although he wasn’t a rich man,but he contributed nearly all his money and time to help those who need assistances and he has been a role model for numerous people until today.Who can say that Lei Feng is not a successful man?Therefore,it is clear that we can certainly be successful without any wealth.
Secondly,many rich people actually can’t be regarded as successful at all,because they earn money by the means of cheating and the wealth of them is at the cost of losing moralities.For instance,many drugs enterprises may exaggerate the effectiveness of their products and lead to misunderstandings of customers,furthermore,these may hinder the treatments of patients’ illnesses.On the other hand,those people who making profits by cheating would have to pay for it in the long run.
In conclusion,I strongly disagree with the statement that only people who earn a lot of money are successful.I believe that being rich doesn’t necessarily equate with success,and no matter what goal is in your mind,if you accomplish it,you should consider yourself successful.

麻烦各位帮忙检查一些这篇托福作文的语法错误,Nowadays,it is commonly believed that only those people who earn a lot of money can be considered as successful.Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich,and some of
considered successful.considered as successful people
and some of them没有and.没有although but.选一个
until today?现在结束了?改成since
as successful people at all
because前没有逗号
drug companies
for instance后面的例子太中译英了,看不懂的,misunderstanding of customers?
furthermore前面分号后面逗号
太多长句子和复杂句子,都可以简单写,都是run-on sentence

认为没有错误

Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich, and some of them even live luxuriously. But can we simply equate wealth with success?
这两句句子是一句话，不能分割，而且although不能和but并用
Although...

全部展开

Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich, and some of them even live luxuriously. But can we simply equate wealth with success?
这两句句子是一句话，不能分割，而且although不能和but并用
Although it is undeniable that many successful people are rich, and some of them even live luxuriously, can we simply equate wealth with success?
For me, the answer may be negative，maybe改成is更好
people who are regarded as successful person
people是集体名词，person是单数，要么person后加s，要么索性不要person
but no one would doubt that he was the most successful person in the history of civil rights.
加个one of比较好，one of the most successful person
in the history of civil rights 人权历史上？人权运动历史上？个人认为改成in the history of civil rights moverment或者in the history of fighting for civil rights
关于雷锋的那段没看，雷锋是党国刻意思塑造出来的人物LZ还不知道吗？
Secondly那一段，你的文章是说有钱人是不是成功，关药厂什么事？你至少把主语换成有钱人吧？On the other hand, those people who making profits by cheating would have to pay for it in the long run.这句跟主旨更不相关。而且是你的主观判断。
I believe that being rich doesn’t necessarily equate with success, and no matter what goal is in your mind, if you accomplish it, you should consider yourself successful.
老实说equate平时用得都不都，一般都用equal to的，如果你非要用equate的话，单数形式要加s
and前后两句没有并列关系，要拆分成两个句子。should改成can/may

收起