求英语牛人来润色文章关于弄堂的写作,想请教英语牛人帮忙润色,想要一种诗情画意的感觉,HeyDo you still remember the alley in your childhood?In a world of innocence,when we were soft and young,we were so indulged in ou

求英语牛人来润色文章关于弄堂的写作,想请教英语牛人帮忙润色,想要一种诗情画意的感觉,HeyDo you still remember the alley in your childhood?In a world of innocence,when we were soft and young,we were so indulged in ou
求英语牛人来润色文章
关于弄堂的写作,想请教英语牛人帮忙润色,想要一种诗情画意的感觉,
Hey
Do you still remember the alley in your childhood?
In a world of innocence,when we were soft and young,we were so indulged in our reveries...
Here is the alley where I spent my childhood.She has many old stories,that once helped us to constitute our dreams,and new ones await for their time...You don't have to worry about getting old,you won't,cause the alley will never change,and it will always be there.Come,walk with me,let your eyes resting on the aged brick and stone with tenderness,cast your worries aside,embrace the serenity,breath,and be free.

求英语牛人来润色文章关于弄堂的写作,想请教英语牛人帮忙润色,想要一种诗情画意的感觉,HeyDo you still remember the alley in your childhood?In a world of innocence,when we were soft and young,we were so indulged in ou
难听的话现讲在前头.
你的文章语感太差,文字有一点点生僻.
想必你为此翻了不少本词典吧.
辛苦可嘉,但请切记,一篇好的英语文章不需要高级的词汇,不需要复杂的语法,她需要通顺的语言及对事物的确切表达,可以加一些“意境”.
我有些忙,随便改改,因为我并不能全部感到你自己的意境.
Do you still remember the alley in your childhood?（有点土,我换为Do youl remember?The little alley in your childhood full of wonders and dreams.）
In a world of innocence,when（改为where仔细想想,你会明白的） we were soft（fresh吧...soft听起来很怪） and young,（加一个where,增加语感,增加节奏） we were so indulged in our reveries...
（断行）
Here is the alley where I spent my childhood.（我改为：I do remember,the alley where holds my childhood.其中：i do remember是对前一段的回答,充满感情,遥相呼应） She has many old stories（这一句很简单,有些太简单了,特别是在短文中.我用：Full of fascinating old stories that once helped us to constitute our dreams,把这一句和下一句连了起来）,that once helped us to constitute our dreams,and new ones await for their time（awaits就够了）...You don't have to worry about getting old,you won't,（唉...Don't you fear how time flies,never will it be） cause the alley will never change（在诗中可以这样写,别人会明白你的意思,但在短文中请写明白一点）,and it will always be there.Come,walk with me,let your eyes resting on (upon读起来爽) the aged brick and stone（我猜的,你那儿的砖和石头不止一个） with tenderness,cast your worries aside,embrace the serenity,breath,and be free.
注意!少用and,is,are,等等,特别是and.
我帮你改的,
Do youl remember?The little alley in your childhood full of wonders and dreams.In a world of innocence,where we were freash and young,where we were so indulged in our reveries...
I do remember,the alley where holds my childhood.Full of fascinating old stories that once helped us to constitute our dreams,yet ever moments she has new one awaits...
Don't you fear how time flies,never will it be,cause the alley will never change in our hearts,it will always be there.Come,walk with me,let your eyes resting upon the aged bricks and stones with love,cast your worries aside,embrace the serenity,breath,and be free.
你也许觉得我很啰嗦,你也许觉得我说的不对,但我是专门在外国学这一门的,最重要的是,我是诚心诚意地在帮你.
leave me a message if you have further questions.
ZD
P.S
那个十三级的榜眼比你更会查词典,比方说吧,居然用了provoked!
可惜,这个词虽有挑起之意,但,是美国人的见到这个词就生气,它总带着点激怒之意.光看看那个provoked中间的“ovo”,像带来死亡的猫头鹰的脸一样.谁要用这个!

呵呵~我觉得这篇文章已经很有那种回忆的感觉了~
Hey,
Still remember the alley in your childhood?
A world of innocence, in which we were naive and soft, and so indulged in our profuse reveries, is full of sweet me...

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呵呵~我觉得这篇文章已经很有那种回忆的感觉了~
Hey,
Still remember the alley in your childhood?
A world of innocence, in which we were naive and soft, and so indulged in our profuse reveries, is full of sweet memories...
Here is it, where I spent my childhood. It contains lots of old stories, that once helped us to build our dreams, and new ones await for their turn... You needn't to worry about growing up, you won't, cause the alley will never change, and it will always be there. Come and walk along with me. Let your eyes resting on the aged bricks and stones with tenderness, cast your worries away, embrace the serenity, breath, and be free......Just try to feel the past,the nature,and the life......
写的不好，呵呵~不过参考一下哈~

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Can you still recall those alleies in your childhood memory?
In a world of innocence, when we were naively young, we were so much indulged in our reveries...
The alley where I spent my childh...

全部展开

Can you still recall those alleies in your childhood memory?
In a world of innocence, when we were naively young, we were so much indulged in our reveries...
The alley where I spent my childhood has many old stories, which once provoked our dreams, and new ones yet to wait for their times... Here in the alley, the problem of getting aged is never what you have to worry about. You won't because the alley will remain the same, and it will always present itself the way it is from generation to generation. Come and walk with me along the alley. Let your eyes rest on the aged bricks and stones with some thoughts of sentiment. Cast your worries aside, embrace the serenity. Take a deep breath, and set yourself free ...
语言不错，只是结构上有点散。前面的In a world of innocence, when we were naively young, we were so much indulged in our reveries...应该是一个topic sentence, 我还以为后面你要围绕这个reveries发展呢。英文的特点，段落以主题句开头，然后发展、描述。可以重新安排一下句子看看。 我建议添一句topic sentence，然后把In a world of innocence, when we were naively young, we were so much indulged in our reveries...安排在development里

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