我这段自我介绍有语法错误吗?Hello everybody.I'm very glad to be here.First,let me introduce myself.My name is Zach.I'm twenty one years old.I'm the only child in my family.I graduated from Hunan TongDe vocational college majoring in compu

我这段自我介绍有语法错误吗?Hello everybody.I'm very glad to be here.First,let me introduce myself.My name is Zach.I'm twenty one years old.I'm the only child in my family.I graduated from Hunan TongDe vocational college majoring in compu
我这段自我介绍有语法错误吗?
Hello everybody.I'm very glad to be here.First,let me introduce myself.My name is Zach.I'm twenty one years old.I'm the only child in my family.I graduated from Hunan TongDe vocational college majoring in computer application.
I like listening to music in my spare time,which helps me to be in a good mood.I also like to play computer games.Even though many people believe that playing computer games will hinder people's learning ability,but I think it motivates me to learn English.
I really like English very much,even if it is hard to master.But I love it.Because of my efforts,I can conquer any difficulties.I will be able to speak fluent English one day.

我这段自我介绍有语法错误吗?Hello everybody.I'm very glad to be here.First,let me introduce myself.My name is Zach.I'm twenty one years old.I'm the only child in my family.I graduated from Hunan TongDe vocational college majoring in compu
Hello everybody.I'm very glad to be here.(Firstly),let me introduce myself.My name is Zach.I'm twenty one years old.I'm the only child in my family.I graduated from Hunan TongDe vocational college majoring in computer application.
I like listening to music in my spare time (and it) helps me to be in a good mood.I also like to play computer games.(Even though)去掉 Many people believe that playing computer games will hinder people's learning ability,but I think it motivates me to learn English.
I really like English very much,（although） it is hard to master.（But I love it.）多余了 (Because of my efforts),去掉 I can conquer any difficulties with my efforts.I will be able to speak fluent English one day.

even if it is hard to master改成even if it is hard to be a master